Are you Out of Tune? Stressed out? Stuck? Don’t just set goals – Tune In.

My many years as a professional musician have influenced the way tht I look at life. Unfortunately, what I see is that many people live their lives Out of Tune, whether it be physically, mentally, spiritually, or some combination of the three.

Symptoms may include a lack of fulfillment and passion in your life, stress, overwhelm, anxiety, and even depression. Some people report feeling stuck or trapped. There report being unable to follow through on their goals. Many are just going through the motions of life with no clear sense of direction or purpose. These feelings can lead to physical issues such as high blood pressure, trouble sleeping, digestive issues, or much worse.

The obvious solution is to “Tune Up,” by setting goals and developing action plans to achieve them. But Tuning Up is only one part of the overall tuning process. To achieve life-changing transformation, you also need to “Tune In.” Tuning In involves gaining a clear understanding of who you are, and what you want out of life.

Why Tune In Instead of Just Setting Goals?

Many people who want to make a significant change in their lives go straight to setting goals. Maybe they think that they fully understand the challenge that they are facing and are simply anxious to get started. Why waste time on Tuning In?

I totally get it – Tuning In seems like a time-consuming, unnecessary step. Sometimes going straight to goal setting may work. But I suspect that the reason why so many people fail to achieve their goals is that they didn’t do the upfront work of Tuning In. I’ve certainly been guilty of this myself – and I’ve failed repeatedly. What I’ve learned is that to make significant changes in your life, you must first do the inner work. After all, it’s how you think and feel about yourself that will determine your success in achieving external goals.

“… to make significant changes in your life, you must first do the inner work. After all, it’s how you think and feel about yourself that will determine your success in achieving external goals.”

How do You Tune In Instead of Just Setting Goals?

When working with my coaching clients I approach the Tune In step as follows:

• Discover your true nature and ideal state of well-being.
• Identify your current purpose in life and the core values that define you.
• Assess the eight major areas of your life, and choose the top 1-3 areas that you want to Tune Up first.
• Identify and reframe the stories and limiting beliefs that hold you back from leading the kind of life that you desire.
• Shine a light on the fears, toxic emotions, and judgments that limit your personal growth. Develop the practice of self-compassion.

Gaining a clear understanding of who you are will help you to make life choices that are in alignment with you natural characteristics, tendencies, and state of wellbeing. Each of us is born with a unique blend of mind/body characteristics. These characteristics strongly influence our daily lives. Some of these characteristics include our personalities, our body type, the foods that we enjoy eating, the types of exercise that we are most suited for, the kinds of music, books, movies, etc., that we are drawn to, etc. When we make choices that go against our true nature we tend to go Out of tune.

We all have people, (whether real or fictional characters), in our lives that represent strengths and values that resonate with us. These archetypes provide us with a clue about our own purpose and core values. The combination of understanding your true nature and ideal state of wellbeing, along with defining your current purpose and core values, will provide you with a solid foundation upon which to build your life.

Assessing whether each of the eight major areas of your life, (Family & Friends, Finances, Environment, Health, Recreation, Career, Personal Growth, Romance), is in or Out of Tune will help you to see the overall picture of what’s working and what’s not working in your life. From this vantage point you will then be able to choose the areas that you want to focus on initially, (I suggest limiting it to 1-3 areas until you make some progress, then add another area). As you develop clear intentions (goals) and action plans you will build them upon the solid foundation you have established.

Two More Reasons to Tune In Instead of Just Setting Goals

The goals and action plans that you put together based on the above approach will be much more effective as a result. But there are two more things to take into consideration to increase your chances of success.

Frrst, look deep within yourself and identify your stories stories and limiting beliefs. These get in the way every time you try to move forward in your life. We all have these stories and beliefs. It is only when we confront them that we can reframe the way that we think about ourselves. This is life-changing work and well worth doing.

In addition, you will need to shine a light on the fears, toxic emotions, and judgments that limit your ability to grow as a person. Everyone experiences fear, toxic emotions, and judgment against others as well as against ourselves. Exposing these shadow feelings to the light will allow you to open your mind and allow you to practice self-compassion. This work takes courage, but in the end, it will free you from the constraints of fear.

Tuning is a Lifelong Process

Okay, I know what you are thinking… “How long does all of this take?” the answer is, “a lifetime” – assuming that you want to stay In Tune.

There will always be a few notes of your life that need to be tuned. Maybe you are putting on a few extra pounds, or an important relationship is a bit strained, or you are working too much. There will always be areas of your life that could use some attention.

I am not suggesting that you must completely Tunie In before you begin working on your life goals. What I am recommending is that while you work on your life goals you also invest some time Tuning In. Tuning In and Tuning Up go hand in hand.

Tuning In provides you with clarity about who you are and what you want in your life. By gaining a better understanding of your natural state of wellbeing, what you need and want from life, your purpose and core values, where your life is In and Out of Tune, and the stories, limiting beliefs, fears, and judgments that act as internal obstacles to forward progress, you will then be able to develop clear Intentions and effective action plans that are in alignment with your true nature.

If you Tune In while you Tune Up, you will be much more likely to get back In Tune.

If you would like to learn more please check out my blog post, “How Coaching Can Help You.”

No wrong notes,

Mike

The post Don’t Just Set Goals – Tune In appeared first on Living in Tune.

Would you like to be heard? Really heard? Coaching can help you.

A professional coach is someone who will really listen to you, without judgment or attachment. This may be something that you’ve never experienced before.

Regardless of what kind of challenge you are facing, the active listening skills of a good coach will help you. You will gain valuable insights into who you are and what you want. In adition, you will learn techniques to reframe the stories, limiting beliefs, fears, and self-judgment that may be holding you back.

Why? Because the coaching partnership’s sole purpose is to help you. It’s a one-sided relationship where you are the boss and the center of attention. The coach does not decide what needs to change in your life, nor do they decide how to implement change. That’s 100% up to you. But once you’ve committed to making a change in your life, the coach will help you achieve it.

You Are the Expert in Your Own Life

The coaching process operates under the premise that you are the expert in your own life. Therefore, you are the best suited to find solutions to any challenges that you face. However, you may need help finding them within yourself. That’s where a coach comes in.

A coach can help you to access solutions by using a variety of techniquess. Techniques such as powerful questioning, visualization exercises, and soul reflections are very effective ways to help you open up. Soul reflection is a technique where the coach repeats back to you what the coach hears you say. The idea is that when you hear what you just said repeated back to you, it may help you to better understand yourself. All of these techniques, as well as others, first require that the coach listen carefully to what you are saying and how you are saying it.

The objective of the coaching process is to help get you where you want to go. To do this, it requires that you gain an understanding of what’s behind the problem that you are dealing with, because once you understand that, you will be able to develop strategies to move forward.

Coaching Styles to Help You

There are many kinds of coaching styles and programs available. Some common coaching programs include performance coaching, developmental coaching, life coaching, executive coaching, well-being coaching, and many others.

I like to think of my style of coaching as “Transformational Coaching.” It draws from my personal experience as a leader in the corporate world, my many years as a professional musician, and the formal and informal training gained from many recognized experts in the field of personal growth and development.

My formal training was through Chopra Global, (founded by Dr. Deepak Chopra), where I completed my certification as a Chopra Total Well-being Coach, as well as a Health and Meditation Instructor. This training was invaluable.

How the Chopra Coaching Process Can Help

The coaching process below was developed by Pete Kirchmer and his team at Chopra Global. The Chopra model focuses on helping clients to work through what Chopra calls the four cornerstones:

Cornerstone #1:         Purpose

The spiritual pursuit of purpose, at the highest level of consciousness, is a very personal journey that may take a lifetime, (or in some cultures – many lifetimes), to achieve. It is beyond the physical world as we know it and can be accessed by going within ourselves through deep meditation.

When I speak of finding one’s “purpose” in life, I am talking about a lower level of consciousness – what we perceive as “the real world” – our mind, body, and the environment around us. This definition of purpose is about answering the questions, “Who am I?” and “How can I serve others while serving myself?”

The answer to the first question, “Who am I?” is an ongoing exploration to discover yourself, however there are some aspects of you that you  can learn rather quickly, while others may take longer to unearth. There is a core part of you – your “true nature” that never changes. Gaining an understanding of your true nature is a key to unlocking your potential.  

The answer to the second question, “How can I serve others while serving myself?” will change throughout your life – which makes it all that more important to periodically “tune in” to your purpose.

Finding one’s purpose provides you with a foundation upon which to build your life. It also provides you with a direction to follow, just as a compass helps you to navigate unfamiliar territory. Probably the most important reason why you should invest the time to understand your purpose is that it helps you to make better life choices that are in alignment with your true nature.

Cornerstone #2:         Intention

Once you have gained clarity of self you can begin the process of assessing what is working, and what isn’t working, in your life.  I like to think of this step as determining what “notes of your life” are “in tune,” and those that are “out of tune.”

The following eight major “notes” (areas) of your life play a significant role in your total wellbeing:

• Family & Friends
• Romance
• Finances
• Environment
• Health
• Recreation
• Career
• Personal Growth

From your answers above you can develop wellbeing intentions, (goals and action plans), that will give you the power to achieve your desired outcomes. Think of the questions: “What do I want?” and “What am I grateful for?” When you can answer these questions, along with the two Purpose questions, “Who am I?” and “How can I serve others while serving myself?” you will have defined your “personal vision.”

Cornerstone #3:         Meaning

We all have stories and beliefs about ourselves and the world around us. Some of these stories and beliefs are positive in nature and help support us as we move forward in life. However, many of these stories and beliefs are limiting in nature and have a negative impact upon our experience of the world. Therefore, the meaning that we assign to these stories and beliefs can either help us – or limit our potential.

These stories and beliefs have developed because of the environment in which we live, the events which we have experienced in life, and the influence of the people around us including family, friends, and others. A bad experience may stay with us long after its occurrence, and can impact how we see ourselves in the world.

If you want to make a positive, permanent change in your life, then you must reframe the negative meanings that you have associated with your negative stories and beliefs.

Cornerstone #4:      Shadow

Along with the stories and beliefs discussed above in Meaning, we have emotional “baggage” that sticks to past experiences and prevents growth.  Fears and self-judgment hold us back in life. Shadow work is the process of clearing that baggage and often involves practicing self-compassion. 

Summary of How Coaching Can Help You

Coaching is a powerful, transformational tool from which everyone can benefit. The coaching process can help you to gain a much better understanding of who you are and what your purpose is at this point in your life. This knowledge will provide you with a strong foundation and will point you in a direction that will help you to make better life choices that are in alignment with your personal vision.

I sincerely believe that everyone can benefit from coaching. Who wouldn’t want a partner who is dedicated to helping them achieve the life that they want to lead?

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Our thoughts influence our outcomes. Do you have positive thoughts or bad atti-tunes? The key is to manage your playlist.

Everyone has a story of failure. I have so many that just picking one to write about is a challenge. But there is one particular failure of mine that stands out above the rest. THIS failure was painful… The worst. Crash and Burn, Life’s Most Embarrassing Moments kind of failure.

Positive Thoughts or…

Caribbean Sound, the steel drum band which I co-founded with some of my friends, was invited to perform with a small, regional orchestra located in Owensboro, Kentucky, (birthplace of Captain Jack Sparrow, a.k.a. Johnny Depp).

The month before leaving Florida for Kentucky, the band had decided to perform the entire concert sans music – entirely from memory. In most situations, this was just fine with me because our performances were usually conducted on a beachfront deck next to the tiki bar. But this performance would be different.

However, the band had performed all of the music many times before – all except for one piece. On the program for that evening was a well-known, classic piece of music that was to be performed by Caribbean Sound without the orchestra. We were going to perform Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata” on steel drums.

…Bad Atti-tunes?

Have you ever had that sick feeling in your gut? Nagging self-doubt that no amount of training, studying, or practicing will cause to go away? Maybe before a big test, or speaking in public?

I had that sick feeling the entire month before the concert. No matter how much I practiced my part, I kept picturing myself on stage, the audience in front of me and the classically trained orchestra musicians onstage behind me, all watching and listening as I obliterated Beethoven’s classic. 

The month went quickly, and before I knew it, I was standing on stage about to begin playing the opening chords to “Moonlight Sonata.” The audience and the orchestra members sat back in their chairs in anticipation. No one had ever heard “Moonlight Sonata” performed on steel drums. Unfortunately, they didn’t hear it that night either.

I began playing the beautiful, constantly changing, broken chords that move throughout the entire piece. Barry joined in with the melody and Sean with the bass line. Our arrangement was six minutes long – only the first thirty seconds went well…   

Two minutes in, Barry and Sean would not even make eye contact with me. I don’t blame them – what I had might be contagious. Every time I found my place and got back on track, my bad atti-tune would remind me that I was supposed to screw it all up – and I did.

Your mind can be your best friend or your worst enemy.

That night, my enemy came to visit. My mind went totally blank. Thirty seconds in, I could not remember a single note of the music. That’s when I made a fatal decision – I decided to keep playing—wrong notes – LOTS of them. The more wrong notes I played, the more lost I became.

After the concert, I pretended to be a confident, successful, professional musician. Inside, I knew that I was a total failure.  

So, what went wrong? It wasn’t that I hadn’t practiced enough – I had the music memorized. The problem was with my Atti-tunes – those constantly streaming inner thoughts. I had spent a month before the concert listening to Bad Atti-tunes.

Instead of positive thoughts like, “Mike, you’ve got this. You’ve done the work and know this piece inside out – you can’t fail,” I fed my mind with messages like, “I’m not good enough. No matter how much I practice, I’m going to freeze up and embarrass myself.”

I had totally psyched myself out and set myself up for certain failure long before the band’s maroon cargo van crossed the state line into Kentucky.

To make matters worse, Caribbean Sound had accepted another invitation to perform with the Rockford, Illinois Symphony Orchestra – “Moonlight Sonata” was on the program.

Manage my Playlist

I had two months to get my act together. Here’s what I did:

The first thing that I did was read a book titled “Creative Visualization” by Shakti Gawain. It’s a great book that has really changed my life in so many ways.

Then, every day, for two months straight, I would spend 20 minutes sitting in a quiet room with my eyes closed, visualizing the following scenario:

I see myself standing on stage, relaxed and confident, surrounded by people who want to see me succeed. Picking up my sticks, I stop to take a deep breath, hold it briefly, and then slowly release it. I make eye contact with Barry and Sean and then begin playing the opening notes to “Moonlight Sonata.”

My hands glide smoothly from note to note. Each note is perfect – not too loud, nor too soft, not too fast or too slow. The band is in a state of flow. We respond to each other as the music moves forward. It’s beautiful and effortless. We get to the end of the piece and play the final note – there is total silence in the room. I pause a moment before looking over at Barry and Sean.

We know...

The audience is momentarily mesmerized. Then they jump to their feet and give us a standing ovation. The orchestra behind us shows their approval by stomping their feet on the stage. Barry, Sean, and I take a bow, and then another. (Steel drummers don’t often get the opportunity to bow – at least not when performing on the deck of a tiki bar).

After my visualization, I would return to the present moment, pick up my sticks and play through “Moonlight Sonata” once without stopping – no matter what.

Twenty minutes of visualization and six minutes of actual practice – that was it. Every day for two months.

What I learned

On the evening of the Rockford concert, I found a quiet spot backstage and went through my visualization process. The concert began, and all was going well.

When it came time to perform “Moonlight Sonata,” I took in a deep breath, held it, and slowly let it out. I looked over at Barry and Sean and smiled. Their looks told me what was going through their minds: “Is Mike going to “improvise” again?” After I reminded myself one last time to keep breathing, I began to play…

Six minutes later it was all over.  

Our thoughts influence our outcomes. I think of it this way:

Good Atti-tunes lift you up, and Bad Atti-tunes drag you down – Manage Your Playlist.

Visualization is a great way to manage your playlist. It will help you to create Good Atti-tunes for your mental playlist and tune out the Bad Atti-tunes.  

When visualizing, make sure to use all of your senses. What does your ideal outcome look like? Sound like? Feel, taste, or smell like? By using all of your senses, it helps to make your mental image more real to you.

Oh yeah… the standing ovation in Rockford lasted for several minutes.

No wrong notes,

Mike

I hope that this post has inspired, motivated, or educated you in some small way. If so, please consider joining the Creative Pandemonium community. It’s free – click on “Join the Band!”

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Successful people first see the possibilities and then build a happy life.

A Lack of Vision

Too many people, including myself, start in life without a clear vision of where they want to go. If asked: “What kind of life do you want to build?” they wouldn’t be able to answer the question. That’s because they can’t see the possibilities.  

Instead, they “go with the flow,” influenced by norms and patterns of behavior established by family, friends, teachers, and even social media. They do what is expected of them to fit in with the group.

Once headed down this path, it is often quite difficult to change direction. Previous choices made along the way further limit their flexibility. As the years go by without a clear vision or sense of purpose, they become disillusioned, even depressed.   

Is this you?

That pretty much described me in my mid-thirties. My life had imploded, with a series of significant failures, including divorce and personal bankruptcy. My house was foreclosed upon, my car repossessed. I was unhappy with my career choice, and quite frankly, I hated myself.  

One day during my lunch hour, I wandered into an audiobook store just down the street from my work (this was back in the 1990s when cassette tapes were still a thing). I checked out several “self-help” cassette tape programs and began listening to them in my car and at home that night.

That was the day my vision began to clear, and I began to see the possibilities for my life.

See the Possibilities  

These personal growth books, created by people like Zig Ziglar, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Dr. Stephen Covey, Dr. Norman Vinecnt Peale, Brian Tracey, Jim Rohn, and many, many others, were the books that helped me to get through the deeply personal challenges in my life.

They taught me that true happiness begins from within and expands outwards. They taught me many other things about life, but most importantly, they taught me how to see the possibilities and how to build a happy life.

These books, tapes, and videos, and many others since, continue to have a profound, lasting, and positive impact on my way of thinking today. I subscribe to many blogs and podcasts that center around happiness and personal growth. They keep me centered.

One of the earliest and biggest influencers in my life is Zig Ziglar. Zig is famous for his quotes, one of which is:

“If you can dream it, you can achieve it.” – Zig Ziglar

To paraphrase Zig’s quote (with great respect to Zig): “If you can see the possibilities, you can build a happy life.”

Though Zig is now gone, his son Tom has continued in his father’s footsteps. Check out Tom’s latest article entitled “How is Your Vision?”

You Are Not Alone

If you feel stuck in life, without direction or purpose – in other words, you can’t see the possibilities that life has to offer you, please know that you are not alone and that many people have been there before.

You can turn things around. You can still build a happy life through self-awareness, transformation, and self-care. See my post Build a Happy Life to get started.

See the Possibilities and then build a happy life.

No wrong notes,

Mike

I hope that this post has inspired, motivated, or educated you in some small way. If so, check out “Positive Thinking or Bad Atti-tunes?”

Please consider becoming a part of the Creative Pandemonium community. It’s free to join All you have to do is to click on this link: Join the Band!

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Happiness is all about being in tune. If any of your life notes are out of tune, it makes your entire life feel out of tune.

In her book, “The Happiness Project,” happiness expert Gretchen Rubin writes that many studies of happiness conducted worldwide have shown that on a scale from 0 to 100%, the average response is 75%.

75% is okay, right? After all, it is considered a “passing” grade in many schools. (I know from experience). But a 75% happiness rating in life? Who wants to barely “pass” happiness?

The Notes on a Pan

Being a lifelong musician, I like to use the steel drum instrument, a.k.a. “pan,” as a metaphor for life and happiness:

“Happiness is like a steel drum instrument whose notes are perfectly in tune individually and in harmony with each other. No matter what you play on the pan, it comes out sounding happy!“

If all of the notes on a pan are perfectly in tune individually and in harmony with each other when the pan is played, the music can’t help but come out sounding happy. How could it not?

But if one or more of the notes is out of tune, the entire pan will sound out of tune. That’s because the notes that are out of tune don’t resonate with the other notes on the pan.

The Notes of Your Life

But most of us always have one or two areas in our lives that are going out of tune. The constant wear and tear of life itself can be hard on our mind, body, spirit, relationships, finances, etc. This can make our entire life feel out of tune. This can lead to unhappiness.

Picture a pan (you can use the image at the top of this post). Let’s say that the pan represents You, and each of the individual notes on the pan represents significant areas of your life.

For example, I picture my life as composed of eight significant notes: Mind, Body, Spirit, Relationships, Learning, Work, Wealth & Abundance, and Play. You may want to put a different number of notes on your pan or to label them differently. For illustration purposes, I am going to assume that you have eight notes on your pan.

Happiness is About Being In Tune

Now, let’s apply the average, world-wide happiness rating of 75% to the notes on your pan:

If 75% of the notes on your pan are perfectly in tune individually and in harmony with each other, then that means that six out of the eight notes of your life are in tune (8 notes X 75% = 6 notes).

This also means that the remaining two notes on your pan (8 notes X 25% = 2 notes) are out of tune. In other words, two of the notes of your life are out of tune.

What do you think your pan will sound like with 25% of your notes out of tune? Will it sound happy?

My point is this: if the significant areas of your life are aligned and working in harmony together, then you can’t help but feel happy. Your life will resonate.

However, when one or more areas of your life are unaligned and clashing with each other, then you can’t expect to be happy. Your life is dissonant.

Each note of your life impacts the other notes of your life. You can’t segregate them from each other – they are all a part of You.

Life is too short to settle for 75% – and you don’t have to. You can identify which notes are in tune and which notes are out of tune. From there, you can develop a plan to “tune-up” or even add new notes to your life.

Which is the subject of my next few posts beginning with Inside-Out Personal Growth.

No wrong notes,

Mike

Please consider signing up to be a part of our community. There is no cost to join. All you have to do is click on this link: Join the Band.

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“A steel drum’s purpose is to produce happy music – Your purpose is to Build a Happy Life.”

– the Old Pan Man

I am a musician who plays the happiest sounding instrument on the planet – the steel drum, a.k.a. “pan.” The quote above comes from my friend and mentor, who is affectionately known by all as the Old Pan Man.

Steel drums produce their happy music by emitting sound waves – “happy vibes” – that have the magical ability to lift the spirits of everyone who hears them.

If you’ve ever heard the happy vibes of a steel drum, you know what I mean.

But the Old Pan Man is right. It’s your purpose to build a happy life and share your happiness with others – we all share that same purpose. The problem is that sometimes we forget how to do it.

How Not to Build Happy

I once had many of the things that I thought would bring me happiness: I was married, living in a brand new house, and driving a new model car. I had two beautiful, young children and progressed well in my career as a CPA (“Certified Public Accountant”).

But I wasn’t happy – with the major exception of my two children – and I didn’t know why. As a result, I made a series of bad choices leading to two divorces, several job changes, and personal bankruptcy, all in a ten year period of time.

As I lay on my cheap, futon couch in my dingy apartment watching the ball drop in New York’s Times Square on television at the stroke of midnight on December 31, 2000, it occurred to me that I didn’t have anything to look forward to in the coming year.

It was then that I realized that I didn’t know how to be happy.

How To Build Happy

I went to work reading everything that I could on the subject of personal growth and happiness. I’ve discovered that there are three major steps to building a happy life:

• Tune In through Self-Awareness
• Tune Up through Transformation
• Live In Tune through Self-Care

Self-Awareness

The first step is to develop a strong sense of self-awareness. To do this, you need to clearly describe the kind of life that you want to build. You need a personal vision. I’ve written about this in my post, “Personal Vision.”

Then ask yourself, “What attitudes and beliefs do I hold that help me or prevent me from achieving my personal vision?” These thoughts, good or bad, continually play in your mind and influence how you live your life. The key is to learn how to manage them.

Next, you will need to look at your current situation. What’s working or not working in your life? Answering these questions helps to look at each of the major areas or what I call “Notes” of your life, ex: relationships, health, financial, etc.

Transformation

The second major step is to transform your life into the life you want to build. Transformation leads to personal growth – be willing to stretch as a person.

Put your personal vision into action by mapping out your plan, setting priorities, cutting away the excess, and preparing for adversity. Work your plan while maintaining harmony in your life until you finish what you set out to do. Then celebrate our success!

Self-Care

The third major step is to Live in Tune. It’s a lifelong process. Just as a steel drum instrument’s notes go out of tune through use, life’s notes also do. The wear and tear of life can be managed through an intentional program of self-care.

It’s your purpose to build a happy life. You do this through self-awareness, personal transformation, and maintaining yourself through self-care.

Creative Pandemonium is dedicated to helping you Build a Happy Life In Tune with your true self. Future posts will discuss in-depth strategies to Tune In, Tune Up, and Live In Tune.

No wrong notes,

Mike

I hope that you have received something of value from this post. If so, check out “See the Possibilities.”

Please consider signing up to be a part of our community. There is no cost to join. All you have to do is click on this link: Join the Band.

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